The Invisible Mental Load: Finding Balance with Penny Moodie and Feyona Lau
The Invisible Mental Load: Finding BalanceThe mental load is a topic that resonates with everyone. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent, a full-time professional, a business leader, or managing the delicate balance of both, it represents the emotional weight we all carry in navigating the demands of daily life.Our Melbourne Business Support teamrecently hosted an event “The Invisible Mental Load: Finding Balance” featuring guest speakers Penny Moodie and Feyona Lau. The event brought together likeminded individuals interested in finding balance between work and home life. Each attendee was gifted a copy of Penny’s inspiring book, The Joy Thiefwhich complimented the event themes and takeaways explored in this blog. Penny Moodie, a mother, wife, and author, delved into the mental load associated with managing a household, relationships, and caregiving roles.Dr. Feyona Lau, Sharp & Carter’s own Wellbeing Director, explored how the mental load extends into the workplace, emphasising its significance on both an individual and organisational level.Understanding the Invisible Burden: The Mental LoadIn October 2020, Penny found herself in a situation familiar to many parents. Stuck at home with two young children during a lockdown lasting over 100 days, she faced an exhausting cycle of caretaking, isolation, and endless tasks—preparing meals, managing naps, and watching Frozen 2 on repeat. Beneath these routines was a constant emotional and cognitive strain.“I felt overwhelmed and like I didn’t have much of a sense of self,” Penny shared. The lack of connection with friends and family during the pandemic deepened her struggle. When her husband returned home each day with “purpose and energy,” she felt utterly depleted. “I would basically hurl my baby like a discus because I was just done,” she recalled, highlighting her mental and physical fatigue.The Moment of RecognitionOne evening, the routine continued as usual—bath time, putting the kids to bed, and cleaning up. When her husband turned on the basketball game to unwind, it sparked a realisation for Penny. While he checked out for the night, her mental load only intensified: “I thought, well, my work’s only just beginning... I’ve got to enrol my son in kinder, plan Halloween costumes, and go to the shops.” This realisation reached a tipping point when she found herself shouting, “I need more help. I can’t keep doing this.”Her husband’s response? “I can’t possibly do more than I’m doing right now,” a statement that, understandably, added to her frustration. At that point, neither of them knew the term mental load, but Penny was acutely aware of the emotional weight she was carrying.Defining the Mental LoadThe mental load refers to the cognitive and emotional work involved in managing a household; “It’s the thinking about, planning, and executing tasks... and it’s often invisible because a lot of it is in your head.” Even seemingly simple tasks, such as changing a nappy, come with a web of related considerations- “Do I need to order more nappies? Are they growing out of this size? Is there enough room in the bin?”- illustrating how small actions can carry a disproportionate mental weight.Discovering the Language for ItPenny’s breakthrough came when her brother introduced her to a cartoon by French artist Emma, which perfectly illustrated the concept of the mental load:This revelation was followed by reading the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, which has since become part of a broader movement. “Finding this and getting the words for it made me feel really validated,” Penny explained. This was the first step in understanding the nature of her exhaustion.From Overwhelming to UnderstandingPenny identified four stages in grappling with the mental load: 1. The first is being completely overwhelmed, as she was in 2020. 2. The second is discovering the language to articulate it, bringing validation but not yet relief. 3. The third stage is having a conversation with your partner about sharing this load, which can be difficult if it isn’t received well. “You can feel extremely frustrated,” she said, “because you know there’s a solution, but you’re hitting a wall.” 4. Finally, the fourth stage is achieving a more equitable distribution and experiencing the benefits— “relationship nirvana,” though rare, is what many strive for.Building on Penny’s reflections on the personal and familial aspects of the mental load, Feyona shifts the focus to how this invisible weight carries over into the workplace, affecting both individuals and the broader dynamics of organisations.Recognising the Mental Load at WorkFey started with an interactive approach, asking the audience to raise their hands if they often find themselves responsible for delegating tasks, managing conflicts, or solving problems in their teams. Unsurprisingly, many hands went up, highlighting a shared reality: many professionals carry the mental load without naming it. Fey noted that, “The mental load is the ongoing cognitive and emotional effort that’s required to manage tasks and responsibilities,” whether at home or at work—mirroring Penny’s portrayal of the invisible burden carried by caregivers. In the workplace, this load appears in various forms. Some naturally take on roles overseeing projects or managing emotional expectations, while others become the go-to “confidante.” The result is a constant state of alertness, juggling deadlines, and unforeseen issues. Fey adds, “There used to be a time when we had peaks and troughs, allowing for rest and recovery, but now it’s just a continual peak that we’re expected to manage.”The Pandemic’s Legacy and the Disproportionate Burden on WomenPenny’s experience of lockdown exhaustion resonates with Fey’s view that COVID-19 has redefined the expectations placed on employees, especially those in leadership roles. Managers are now expected not only to lead but also to be attuned to the mental health and wellbeing of their teams. This heightened responsibility contributes to the already significant mental burden many women bear. As Penny and Fey explained, “women face a disproportionate mental load due to caregiving responsibilities that extend beyond the workplace.”This dual burden-managing both professional and personal responsibilities-exacerbates stress, contributing to higher levels of burnout. In Australia, the statistics are telling: 61% of the workforce reports experiencing burnout, compared to the global average of 48% (Mental Health First Aid Australia). This chronic stress, as Fey describes, can lead to severe consequences, both mentally and physically.The Implications for Individuals and OrganisationsFey explained that “effective problem solving and strategic thinking diminish under constant stress,” affecting individual performance, team dynamics, and company culture, ultimately reducing engagement and morale.To address this, Fey underscored the importance of recognising and managing mental load proactively. For individuals, this means setting boundaries and being mindful of what tasks they are willing to take on. “Self-awareness is crucial,” she said, noting that understanding personal triggers and managing them before they escalate is a vital skill. For high achievers who often set punishing standards for themselves, this can be particularly challenging.However, Fey stressed that individual strategies alone are not enough. Organisations must also play their part by fostering a supportive work environment. For organisations this includes clear job design, equitable task allocation, and minimising unnecessary duplication of work. Fey mentioned that maintaining positive workplace practices, such as flexible work arrangements and access to peer support systems will make a significant difference to people’s mental loads. Both individual and organisational success depends on a strong sense of work-life balance and flexibility. It is a crucial element to relieving some of the mental load, and key insights into this topic can be found in one of our previous blogs, Prioritising Work Life Balance. The Role of Leadership and Culture ChangeLeadership commitment is crucial. Fey stressed that senior leaders must model healthy practices and prioritise team well-being. “We need open discussions about mental load and its integration into organisational culture,” she said, highlighting training in diversity, inclusion, and mental health as key tools for change. A webinar that Sharp & Carterheld earlier in the year delved into strategies for workplace wellbeing and high-performance leadership, which clearly resonates with this topic. Check out our blog How to Foster High Performance and Staff Wellbeingfor more leadership tips to cultivate a healthy and wellbeing focused workplace. The Mental Load Is Real, It Matters. Both Penny and Fey agreed that conversations are the first step, whether at home or work. Penny’s journey from overwhelmed to understanding, and Fey’s call for systemic action underscore a shared message: the mental load is real, it matters, and addressing it fosters balance and resilience. As the event ended, both Penny and Fey’s insights harmonised into one key question for the audience: What is one thing you can do today to manage your own mental load, or contribute to a culture that supports others in managing theirs?Whether it's setting clearer boundaries, seeking support, or fostering change in the workplace, every step counts towards reducing the invisible weight we carry. Connect with Sharp & Carter’s Business Support Team Our Business Support team is dedicated to creating events like this that inspire and resonate, offering support and connection on the challenges that matter most. If you’d like to learn more or need assistance in the realm of Business Support, please don’t hesitate to reach outto the team; we’re here for you.
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