Self-Compassion trumps Self-Confidence
Think about the last time self-doubt or anxiety controlled your actions at work. Did you stay quiet during a meeting because you felt that your opinion wasn’t expert enough? Or perhaps a quick email took you hours to write? Second guessing yourself is normal, but it is important to not let this overpower your perspectives.
Self-doubt is a common trait for many of us, even high achievers. Despite a history of successes, feelings of inadequacy or the sense that you are not where you “should’ be can cause you to retreat into yourself and hinder your ability to be productive or connect with others.
Imposter syndrome can show up in many areas of our work, including:
Downplaying achievements
Rejecting new responsibilities
Overthinking your competency to perform your role.
Imposter syndrome is a universally understood feeling. While it has been written about and reported on extensively, it is rarely discussed openly because the people that experience it also feel shameful. We tell ourselves “Fake it ‘till you make it”, or “Just push through.” But have you ever considered that leaning into embrace or navigate uncertainty is actually a skill?
The constant pressure to hide our doubts and fears leads to the damaging pursuit of perfectionism, which can hinder our growth more than help it.
To be perfect, or to grow?
Professionals often value perfectionism as a desirable trait as it drives people to excel. However, leaning into perfectionism as a trait can make every mistake seem like a catastrophic fallback or failure. The trap of seeking perfection makes people reluctant to take risks, embrace change mindsets, and step out of their comfort zones.
While the self-confidence that comes with perfectionism may encourage a “keep things going until you get it right” approach, this can lead to stress and exhaustion when you hit a bump in the road.
What then should we aspire toward?
Self-compassion tells us that it’s OK to make mistakes, and that failures help us grow.
This way of thinking doesn’t equate self-worth with perfect performance, but with effort, growing and learning. By valuing learning and growing above perfectionism, you expand the possibilities of the outcome. You are allowing yourself to be creative, to take risks and to evolve. Instead of being stuck with the fear of failure, you’re empowered to try, fail, learn and improve.
Reframing thoughts: from inner critic to self-compassion
The most difficult part of learning self-compassion is reframing your inner dialogue when things don’t go according to plan. Our inner dialogue can be our best friend, or our greatest shortcoming. Narrations like “I should have done better” or “I’m not smart enough” are not pushing us to improve, they cause us to get embarrassed, shut down or to avoid challenges.
If you are guilty of thinking the above any time over the next week, catch yourself out and try a reframing exercise. Instead of “I failed”, try “this didn’t go the way I wanted but what can I learn?”. Instead of comparing your efforts to those of your colleagues, recognise your strengths. Dynamic teams are so successful because people are unique and excel at different things. It’s healthier to learn to recognise that we all have things that we can benefit from working on, not only you.
This mindset can lift the pressure we feel to always be confident and, on our A-game. It also can help us keep motivated when things get rocky, instead of crumbling at the first sign of a hurdle. It also changes the way that we internalise setbacks, as learning opportunities rather succumbing to the self-criticism that comes with true failure.
Self-compassion: learning how to be a good friend to yourself
So you’ve recognised the negative thought patterns, but how can we re-wire the natural tendency for self-critisism and be kinder to ourselves?
A great way to build self-compassion is by considering what you would think about a friend if they were in the same situation.
We are so often cruel to ourselves when we would be kind to others. If a friend made a blunder, do you berate them or question their worth? Of course you don’t, if you did you would be a bad friend. You offer them your help, your advice and your encouragement while reminding them that they are doing their best. This is the friend you need to be to yourself.
Self-compassion means recognising that you are human, that while you offer your best, mistakes and imperfections are part of the journey. What’s perfect for you, is not perfect for everyone, so striving for it is redundant.
This kindness sets you up to grow, to be resilient, and to foster a healthier work-life balance. When you back yourself, you free up the energy and enthusiasm to focus on your journey, your work and your relationships with others.
Self-compassion is contagious, it makes you a better colleague
Being compassionate to yourself impacts the wellbeing of others almost as much as your own. It influences how you make room for others in the workplace in the following ways:
You offer empathy
When you are kind to yourself it’s easy to offer the same kindness to others. You become open minded, understanding and supportive of your colleagues and what they have to offer. You can recognise a challenge for what it is and people recognise that you do not judge harshly.
You become an enthusiastic collaborator
When you are open to the gifts of others, you are not competitive, bitter or jealous. This enables a work environment where people are comfortable to achieve goals together, rather than proving themselves.
You offer better feedback
When you practice self-compassion, you are more open to receiving constructive criticism because your self-worth is not tied to your performance. This makes it easier for you to learn and for you to share your knowledge, benefiting both yourself and your team.
How does self-compassion enable great relationships for us at Sharp & Carter?
Self-compassion plays an important role in building authentic, lasting relationships that foster trust, patience and resilience. Below are examples of how self-compassion leads a stronger connection with you.
Strength in authenticity
Whether they are customer, colleague, client or candidate, people value authenticity. Self-compassion leads to open and honest shared interactions. This sets the groundwork for trust, enabling a strong and long serving relationship
Patience and understanding
Whether we are supporting candidates through a long recruitment process, or helping a client navigate a challenging situation, self-compassion enables us to show up our best selves for our clients. It gives us the patience and understanding to hear your unique goals and offer more valuable support.
Resilience and flexibility
Recruitment is a field with many ups and downs so you want your recruitment agency to be as resilient and forward thinking as possible. Rejections, negotiations and setbacks are natural parts of the journey. Lessons learned from these crucial steps allows us to set you up for the right placement at the right time. Self-compassion allows us to remain a steady and supportive presence for our clients and candidates.
It’s easy to be self-critical when facing setbacks but treating yourself with kindness and understanding is more likely to reduce stress. By acknowledging that challenges are a natural part of work and offering yourself the same compassion you’d extend to a friend, you are more likely to stay motivated and resilient in the face of difficulties.
- Feyona Lau, High Performance and Wellbeing Manager, Sharp & Carter
If you expect a commitment to a positive and respectful culture from your workplace, why would you ask anything less of yourself?
As a recruitment agency, we at Sharp & Carter strive to empower our clients and candidates to grow into their best selves – that begins with encouraging compassion, kindness and growth from within. This approach is at the heart of the meaningful connections we build, and the placements we enable.
Want to work with us? Get in touch.
The Sharp & Carter Team
